There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
