forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
