I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
