These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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