Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
