I'm going to rape someone's good day.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
