I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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