Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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