we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
