Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
