He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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