on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize