Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize