Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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