i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
