the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize