I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
