I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
