Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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