and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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