So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize