I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
