i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
