i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
