he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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