why didn't you poke me back
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
