I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
