hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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