That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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