covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
