the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
