if you like me you must not know who I am
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
why does every cop we meet know your name?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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