He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
