Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
