It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
