he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize