Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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