who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
its not stalking. its research.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
