i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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