my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
