Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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