I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My breasts were aching with rage.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
