i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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