We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
