Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
