he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
