I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
