I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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