weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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