we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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