I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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