I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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