I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
