Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
