Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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