Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize