Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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