i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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