yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize