wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
