I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
