Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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