party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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