standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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