I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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